Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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