booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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