she takes plan B like it's going out of style
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize