i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
