i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
we're making bets on your personal life
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
