i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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