What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
