At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
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