your room smells of hookers.
And success
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
