but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
