some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
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