Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize