Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
