I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
