He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
