Having a random hookup so left but love u
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Randomize