Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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