I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
