guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
