i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
