1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Pappa wants mamma naked
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
