One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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