I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
