i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My dick has a subreddit
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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