chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
