So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Randomize
