But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Dicks are not precious.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
