come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
accomplished twins. life is a go
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
