does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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