He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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