I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
