i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
