Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Randomize
