I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Holy sore nipples Batman
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
