Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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