I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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