He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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