I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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