it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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