I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
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