Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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