Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
