dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
