His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
