i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Who did Billy Mays play for?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
