It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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