I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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