I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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