Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
