It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
