her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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