What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
