I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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