She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
