I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
