just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
