I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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