my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
