I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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