I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
