I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
