my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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