She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
