Me. At least after what I've been through.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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