I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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