saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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