you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
